It was nice, to be around people I'm familiar with. I love going to these things and seeing everyone again and it's just like how it used to be. I know that it's probably not smart to keep going to these things. Because every time I do it reminds me of just how much I am missing out on. And yeah, that sucks. But I don't want to let my past go. There is so much that I am trying to hold on to.
It is so hard to try and pick up and start a new life. Even harder when all those around you already have it the way that they want it. They're all content and it makes me feel like I am almost just a burden to everyone around me. Like they're all just being nice to me out of obligation.
I know, I'm whining. I should try and see the silver linings. And I guess there are a lot. There are so many great people that I've met. I never would have met them had I not moved. And it is so weird to think that all these people that are a part of my life have existed here and lived their lives and I never even knew them. It really opens me up to how big the world is.
There are so many tings I've never realized. And one of them is that there is so much going on all the time. I feel caught in between two worlds. It's almost like alternate dimensions. While one thing is going on here, another is thing is going on back home.
People go through problems every day. And here I am so preoccupied with my past. Wouldn't it be better if I could just rather than cry over what I lost and mope about what I haven't gained, to help others get through their problems. It doesn't take much. Just compliment someone, give them a smile, wave to them in the halls.
It seems like such a little thing, but the effect it has is phenomenal. Yesterday a girl named Cecile told me that I had really pretty eyes, she didn't even know how down I had been feeling, and she had no idea how much that little thing brought me up.
And today in ASL, I got paired up with a girl named Makayla who I didn't really think cared too much for me. But as soon as she saw that we were partners she grinned and hurried over to me and I actually had the most fun I'd had in that class in a while.
These sort of things are making it easier to move on and adjust. I know that I will never forget or fully move on from my old life, and I don't want to. But right now I am holding on too tightly to what's already gone, and I need to start letting go.
I think I'm more okay with the idea now though.
No comments:
Post a Comment