You Are Worth It

Last week at my school we had, what they called, "Worth It Week" On Monday we wore pajamas, Tuesday mismatched socks, Wednesday we wore our best dress, Thursday we wore team shirts and caps and such, I even saw some overly enthusiastic people wearing Ute or BYU themed pants. And on Friday everyone was asked to wear either black, or teal, which are our school colors.

Now I know, I know, most people look at it and think, "How old do you really think we are. Come on. This is a middle school with grades 7-9. And you want us to essentially have a "Pajama Day." And I was really quite tempted to look at it like that too. I was not in the mood at all to participate and show school spirit to a school I didn't even want to be in.

I'd moved here over the summer, wished I could move back, and then had to go to a school where I knew absolutely no one, and they treated you like you were 5 years old. I hated walking into the Library, which I was so familiar with back in my old school, and being told to make sure I put my backpack in the cubbyholes before I entered into the area with the books and computers. 

I hated how the first two weeks of school nobody was friendly enough to think, "Hey. Look at that girl with the red hair leaning against the wall all alone.She's new. I remember cause she was in my English class this morning.  She isn't doing a thing. She's just sitting there. What could be the harm of asking her to sit with us at our table? Even if it was just for today."

I was leaning against that cold wall with my butt on the hard floor and wishing that I could be somewhere else. I was wishing that I could be back at my old school with all of my friends, wishing they would let me just go sit outside in the sun under a tree like we used to, and wishing that I could wander to a Practice Room in the music hall and sit there singing Taylor Swift songs on the piano with Mint. The worst thing about it was that I wasn't even permitted to pull out my phone during lunch when I am all alone, to text those friends I'd longed to be with all day. 

And you know, listening to those announcements, in that moment, I thought of everything I hated about that school, all the reasons why I didn't want to be there, much less be spirited about it. And I decided to take a step back.

I looked at how the school must look at me. To them I was not the lonely girl sitting in the hall that looked like she could use someone to talk to. To them I was the red head with her head buried in her note book and a look on her face letting everyone know just how miserable she was to be around them. I wasn't inviting at all. Why couldn't I just be brave enough to search out a friendly and recognizable face? Why didn't I try harder to make this all a much more enjoyable experience.

There was no way I was going to be moving back anytime soon, much less to say at all, and here I am spending my first two weeks glaring everybody down and being depressed and hating my life, when I hadn't even made an effort to be happy.

So I decided that, yes, I am definitely worth it. I have potential and I have the right to be happy. And only I can choose to have a good time. I can have a positive attitude and I will. Because I AM WORTH IT. And I always will be.

Lesson learned is that you're life will go the direction you take it. So take control and go the right direction, it's your choice and nobody else's.