You Are Worth It

Last week at my school we had, what they called, "Worth It Week" On Monday we wore pajamas, Tuesday mismatched socks, Wednesday we wore our best dress, Thursday we wore team shirts and caps and such, I even saw some overly enthusiastic people wearing Ute or BYU themed pants. And on Friday everyone was asked to wear either black, or teal, which are our school colors.

Now I know, I know, most people look at it and think, "How old do you really think we are. Come on. This is a middle school with grades 7-9. And you want us to essentially have a "Pajama Day." And I was really quite tempted to look at it like that too. I was not in the mood at all to participate and show school spirit to a school I didn't even want to be in.

I'd moved here over the summer, wished I could move back, and then had to go to a school where I knew absolutely no one, and they treated you like you were 5 years old. I hated walking into the Library, which I was so familiar with back in my old school, and being told to make sure I put my backpack in the cubbyholes before I entered into the area with the books and computers. 

I hated how the first two weeks of school nobody was friendly enough to think, "Hey. Look at that girl with the red hair leaning against the wall all alone.She's new. I remember cause she was in my English class this morning.  She isn't doing a thing. She's just sitting there. What could be the harm of asking her to sit with us at our table? Even if it was just for today."

I was leaning against that cold wall with my butt on the hard floor and wishing that I could be somewhere else. I was wishing that I could be back at my old school with all of my friends, wishing they would let me just go sit outside in the sun under a tree like we used to, and wishing that I could wander to a Practice Room in the music hall and sit there singing Taylor Swift songs on the piano with Mint. The worst thing about it was that I wasn't even permitted to pull out my phone during lunch when I am all alone, to text those friends I'd longed to be with all day. 

And you know, listening to those announcements, in that moment, I thought of everything I hated about that school, all the reasons why I didn't want to be there, much less be spirited about it. And I decided to take a step back.

I looked at how the school must look at me. To them I was not the lonely girl sitting in the hall that looked like she could use someone to talk to. To them I was the red head with her head buried in her note book and a look on her face letting everyone know just how miserable she was to be around them. I wasn't inviting at all. Why couldn't I just be brave enough to search out a friendly and recognizable face? Why didn't I try harder to make this all a much more enjoyable experience.

There was no way I was going to be moving back anytime soon, much less to say at all, and here I am spending my first two weeks glaring everybody down and being depressed and hating my life, when I hadn't even made an effort to be happy.

So I decided that, yes, I am definitely worth it. I have potential and I have the right to be happy. And only I can choose to have a good time. I can have a positive attitude and I will. Because I AM WORTH IT. And I always will be.

Lesson learned is that you're life will go the direction you take it. So take control and go the right direction, it's your choice and nobody else's.  

An Absence of Soup and Other Let-Downs

This morning I happened to be listening when the announcements came on. There was the pledge. The tennis team was congratulated, and so were some dirt bikers! (There are dirt bikers at my school? I should've known.) There wasn't much else, so we ended with the new thing they're doing this year, which is announcing what's on the main lunch menu.

I was in a hallway, so I happened to hear the menu. Clearly. And it included chicken noodle soup (why would I even need to hear anything after that?!).

What could possibly be more delicious? I want some
so bad right now ... great. I'm hungry and not home yet.

Can I tell you a few things about chicken noodle soup? (Well, not just a few. But I'm the writer here.) It's the favorite soup of Pepper-Mint. And probably favorite food, especially since chicken pattie sandwiches got ruled out because once Pepper found a bone and a bug in hers. (Mwahaha, you're probably grossed out now too.) Chicken noodle soup has marked momentous occasions in my life. It was another thing we bonded over, plus more things that I won't go into because I'm nice and under a time limit.

Anyway, I was really excited about this soup, and I told as many people as I could. My friend Ysabelle kind of looked at me like I was crazy (she thinks it's gross because it's like chicken juice). But some people just don't understand ... JK. But still.

So I was happy when I got into the lunch line with my other friend Olivia and she said the only reason she was there was that there was chicken noodle soup. We both agreed that it was the best thing ever and super delicious, but sadly that made me think of Pepper. So we talked about boys instead (what is it about high school girls and this topic?!).

But then we realized, as we neared the fifteen-minute mark of waiting, that people weren't coming out of the line with chicken noodle soup. In fact, no people in any line were! So dejectedly we left and Olivia also departed to go sit with one of her guy friends.

This is how my life seems to be going right now. Like chicken noodle soup. Or the absence of chicken noodle soup. I haven't had anything really really really really good like that in a while. I've had nice stuff. New stuff. But nothing comfortable, or warm, or filling. And I keep thinking that things are going to get better, but then they don't. Then I get let down, and what's worse than walking on the bottom of a deep, soupless pit is when you climb so high up you almost see the sky (and airplanes) before you fall again.

Dang it, life. I just want to have a good time. And some soup. :(

How I Met My Best Friend, Over a Dead Fish

A long long time ago, or what feels like a long long time ago, but really was only about two years ago, I was eating lunch with a group of mixed friends and acquaintances outside, underneath a certain tree. I was happy and soaking up the sunshine, but also sad. That was because of the fish.

This fish was named George, and he happened to be inside the water bottle that my friend Melanie had arrived to lunch with. He also happened to be dead, and today happened to be his funeral.

So after I finished and the burial spot had been chosen at a tree a while away (nobody wanted that smell around forever), Melanie and I dug a hole and made a ceremony out of unceremoniously dumping out the water bottle. But then we realized that this was a special moment. We had loved George while he was illegally (if school rules are laws) alive in our locker. So, we wanted to get it down on film.

The first person who sprang to mind was my friend Hannah, who always had her phone around. But she happened not to have brought it that day. The rest of my friends-with-phones didn't want to get close to the stinky fish, six inches under or no, and in desperation I finally ran back to the lunch tree and cried out "Who here has a phone and is willing to film the funeral?"

I think it was quiet for a moment before anyone responded, but then this girl stood up and said she had a phone and she'd be okay with the fumes. She was a redhead (so jealous, I've always wanted red hair) and I remember the white puffy vest she was wearing, and a red shirt, I believe. I'd seen her around (she was in a few of my classes) but never spoken to her. Anyway ...

I walked with her to the tree and we filmed it. Nothing special. The video is a little wobbly and there's just the sound of me saying "George, you were a wonderful pet," and Melanie and Hannah adding their sorrows as well. You can see the dirt, and a little orange flash of the fish. I should know, because I've seen the video at least twice. Once right after it was filmed, me complaining that my voice was awkward. Once about a year and a half afterward, laughing about how awkward my voice was. And how I met my best friend, over a dead fish.

I know, I know. Life is weird, but magic happens. I'd tell you about how our friendship took its first step, past another George and plenty of other adventures, right to the top. But you know, there's time for all that later. 'Cause you know, it's not like either of us is going to forget.

So welcome to our blog. We promise to try and keep it up and remember, despite things happen, like little fights or misunderstandings even after we promised we'd never do something dumb like let friendship falter (ooh, what a cool phrase). Or, you know, Pepper moving across the lake in June. But life is weird.

And magic happens.